I'm Turning 40...Now What?

They say 40 is the new 30.

(The 50+ crew just rolled their eyes)

Okay they also say 50 is the new 40 etc.

Guess what though? Whoever "they" are, I guess I believe them.

Not just because I am very quickly approaching 40 (welp)...but from observing the people around me, my friends (my age and older) - everyone looks amazing for their age.

We look NOTHING like the adults or elders who were 40 and 50 when I was a child (sorry elders - this is my only reference).

We also don't FEEL old. Now, don't get me wrong. Naturally there are just things we can't do at the same pace, we start looking at work days as responsible adults who can't be out too late and if we even LOOK at a piece of cake, we suffer the caloric consequences. There's also the weird pains, the worsening vision and the shitty things life starts throwing at us.

Okay let me get back on track here.

Our lifestyles are also vastly different.

Not everyone is married.

Not everyone has kids.

Not everyone "acts" like yesterday's 40+.

And the interesting part? It's all by choice.

I applaud all versions of the 40+ woman in today's world.

Sorry guys, I just have to give it to the ladies here.

Navigating life and relationships with the emergence of social media and technology we never even dreamed of has its challenges for sure.

I think of how much access is available to us as human beings (this is such a 40 yr old statement)

A cell phone has become a necessity. Every day, I can count on needing about 10- 15 codes to log into personal and work websites.

If I'm ever without my phone in a day, it's unintentional and miserable to say the least.

I mean, what did we do without these powerful pieces of metal?

How did we know how to get from point A to B?

How did we go to parties with our friends? Okay, maybe someone's parents came to get us but how did we know what time we'd meet outside? You mean, we really planned these things ahead of time? Clearly I have forgotten.

How did we call our parents if we were out and about and in trouble?

When I see the kids who were little kids when I was growing up, making adult decisions and looking like adults (because they are), it's a bit depressing I won't lie. I often wonder HOW did we get here?

Curiously, I've even asked my friend's kids their thoughts about whether or not we seem old to them. YES I'M FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS!

They always say no but they're also raised to be polite. Such is the circle of life.

So we're 40....now what?

The 40+ woman with kids:

I applaud her strength, composure and resilience.

She has to make decisions about how much of this ever changing world she wants to expose her child(ren) to.

She has to deal with the demands of when and how she allows her child(ren) access knowing fully well they'll always want it sooner.

She has to maintain other relationships in the household and keep her head above water.

She has to still work hard at her career and side hustle (if she even has time) through it all.

If she has no help, she has to do all of this on her own and then some. Still, she continues to persevere, amazingly.

The 40+ woman without kids (by choice):

She is resourceful and hopeful - I applaud this about her.

She has made a decision (not to have kids) - it's different, it's brave, it's becoming more acceptable but she may still harbor some guilt over it.

She still has a need for connection and companionship that she now has to fill - otherwise she can feel alone and empty.

There has been a shift in her relationships with her friends with kids, who have now prioritized other relationships and things above her.

She has the flexibility to do what she wants to do but there are real moments. Moments of vulnerability and loneliness and she continues to persevere, amazingly.

We are 40. It's simple math.

It's our time to embrace the rest of our lives. We have a lot of it to live.

Stop saying we can't do it.

Stop thinking we don't have enough time.

Stop saying it's too hard.

Stop believing we have no other choice.

Let's create the lives we want now.

Let's Live, Travel, Love and Laugh.