How Your Reaction To Edibles Can Be A Life Lesson.

Control….it comes in many forms.

Control Freak? Some of us excel at this.

I am 1000% one of these.

It shows up in relationships, in personal decisions and in business — frankly it can show up in all scenarios.

Truth be told — more times than not we are unaware that it’s there until we take a step back.

Believe it or not, the first time I truly realized how outrageous my controlling tendencies could be was when I wrote myself a letter while high (my cousin laughs hysterically every time she hears this story).

Yes, that’s right, A LETTER. I feel like you’re curious now.

Note that I was already aware that edibles were not my friend, but I had never tried them in the comfort of my home:

nothing else going on,

no activity,

no one around me (well except for my boyfriend).

So that’s what I did — in an attempt to see if my reaction would be different. I wanted to see if we (me and edibles) could be friends.

I can safely report…….we most definitely cannot.

In fact, keep those things FAR, FAR AWAY from me.

MY EXPERIENCE (similar to all of my previous experiences):

It takes some time to “hit” but when it does…I may as well buckle up. It’s a strange mix of emotions where I feel like I’m not sure what I’m doing in the moment but I want so badly to make sure I don’t do anything out of character (i.e. make sure I’m in control).

It doesn’t stop there.

If I say something out loud, my brain then catches up a few seconds later and in my mind I think “did I really just say that?” and I look around for validation.

Let’s not get started on the feeling of blood running through my veins, slowly, down my arms, then down my legs. It is slow, very slow and torturous. There’s no pain…just the wait. Just knowing that it needs to run through my entire body until I can be in control again.

It is one of the reasons I decided to document the experience — as a reminder to myself to NEVER DO EDIBLES AGAIN. I absolutely hate the experience. I always feel so out of control and that freaks me out. I am unable to relax and just enjoy the ride.

The real revelation of what a control freak I am, was as a direct result of the ode to my high self.

In the end it was a pretty poetic piece of work if I must say so myself.

I was very complimentary and positive in my thoughts. I made sure I documented every feeling I was having and as I read it back, it was very apparent that I just could not just let go and let be.

Some recent self reflection has made me more aware of how control appears in my daily scenarios and current relationships.

Why do we fear things we have no control over?

Why do we feel the need to control things that DO NOT MATTER?

Why do we feel like no one else is capable?

Why do we always have to be on control?

It brings up the question - where in my childhood/life have I seen this kind of control? Was I always like this? Who in your life does this? BINGO! I got my answer (I won't put them on blast).

I decided to channel that control in more productive ways — use it in those areas that I fall short and could stand to be a bit more disciplined in.

Perhaps you can do the same. Use it to curb poor eating habits, procrastination with fitness, excessive spending, smoking, drinking, gambling, drug use, codependency, porn addiction and the list goes on.

As with any bad habit in life, it’s a time for reflection and awareness and a plan to end the cycle.

There is really no need to have control over everything and everyone. You won’t be able to change a situation or a person that you have no control over. It just is what it is.

What you can do, is choose how you react to it, remove yourself from it or just accept it for what it is.

With my new found awareness, I now try to identify those situations in which I feel the need to be in control. I ask myself the tough questions, reflect and then act accordingly.

Give yourself some grace as this may be a trait you've exhibited all your life so it may take a while for you to catch it as it's happening. When you do, it will be such a freeing experience if you consider how much some of these things do not matter and you just let them be.

Positive thoughts.

Put it into perspective.

Free yourself.

BONUS: Ode to my high self

You typed this while high. This is the effect it has....

Mind Racing

Paranoia

Laughing Incessantly

Mind one step ahead.....and then I think....did I just say that?

I can't wait to read this tomorrow and think NEVER DO EDIBLES....even when relaxing it has the same effect.

Control Freak - you would be a terrible hippie

Positive thinking

It's like a therapy session in your head

Thoughts about the future

OMG I am still typing. I can't wait to read this tomorrow. (typo was made but I slowly deleted and fixed the error)

Even high, I'm the grammar police, arrghh

See into the future while high

You are intelligent and capable, you will figure it out and live a happy life and enjoy every moment.

Idea for a cabin event - hat fete.

The End.